Whack A Squirrel - Regional Commander Reporting

NW Regional Command - Report from Commander Dozer, Esq.

Commandant Tank:
(Click here for the Main Site for Whack-A-Squirrel)

Herewith is the report of the NW Regional Command on the Squirrel Wars. As instructed, I have recruited staff to help with the ongoing battles with the squirrels. Thank you for sending our flak jackets and helmets. They have been of incredible help during the daily skirmishes with the long-tailed rodents of the trees.

Commander Dozer Edwards Staff Sargent Cooper Edwards
In-charge of communications and supplies
Recruit Dottie, who is listening for vibrations through the floor of squirrel activity under the base building. We have intercepted coded messages which lead us to believe that the squirrels are attempting to infiltrate our headquarters and disable our battalion.

The following are images captured on our last reconnaissance raid:

The enemy has newer weapons than we had been led to believe they possessed. We are renting all four Star Wars movies so we can learn how to take on these space cadets and conquer them.

The squirrels continue to use heavy warfare against us. The backyard is beginning to look a lot like the surface of the moon. But we will not fail in our mission.

We have discovered that the squirrels like to smoke after battles. We are leaving cartons of cigarettes around the battlefield in the hopes they will smoke so much they will get lung cancer and keel over. Staff Sargent Cooper states that this takes much longer than we have time for, but we can also locate the squirrels at night when they light up. We plan to have more night battles.

Another shot of the enemy using their bazookas.

Many of the enemy have drinking problems. We are inviting them in for cocktails each evening before our battles to see if we can get them inebriated and then tie them up with shoelaces. To date this tactic has not worked. Staff Sargent Cooper passed out in his dog bed and Recruit Dottie got her head stuck in the Sangria pitcher. I continue to study the enemy's drinking habits.

We continue to need more recruits for the NW Region and gratefully request that any canines available please contact us as soon as possible.

Over and Out,

Regional Commander Dozer Edwards, Esq.

Fierce Battle to Save the Bed! - Dozer

Last night as I was helping Mum get ready for bed (she constantly requires assistance in picking out her work clothes, she has no fashion sense at all) Dottie started making fearful noises towards the bed. Normally Dots just lies on her bed next to the big bed and sacks out. But last night she looked to me and then to the bed, she said the quilt was moving towards her! I have been keeping an eye on the green and white striped quilt and I knew Dottie was right and someone had to show that quilt who was in charge. And that dog was me!

This is Dottie telling me about the quilt. You can see how close it is getting to her. In very little time it would have been on her bed and then to her!

I took a subtle approach and started with a short nipping session to make sure the quilt knew I was there.

The quilt got the upper hand and Mum had to pull it off my face. I could see this was not going to be an easy fight but I was ready to defend Dottie!

I went under the quilt to find its weakest point.

I tunneled under the quilt, nipping all the way. It was a fierce battle and the give and take was exhausting!

There were some truces so we could rest before the next assault.

Then I was back to the thick of it. Bitey face into the quilt, taking no prisoners!

Eventually the battle was done and I was victorious and rested on my laurels...or quilt. Mum thanked me profusely for my bravery and skill in conquering the green and white striped quilt. Dottie was of course grateful but Cooper slept through the entire warfare. I told Mum some champagne might be in order but she said "No". She seems to say that a lot to my suggestions though I am not sure why. Still, a victory is a victory!