How to eat toilet paper

First, steal a big wad of toilet paper from
the roll in the bathroom.

 Find a comfortable place to consume your treat.
The bed is always a nice place.

Tear the toilet paper into small, edible

bits. Don't worry about what falls off

the bed.

Stuff as much as you can into your mouth.

It will become sticky once you get
your drool all over it. It may stick
to your teeth, use your tongue to
move it around.

Use an up and down motion consistently
to insure you make a nice paste of the
toilet paper.

Once your face resembles Elvis Presley,
you have acquired the grace and
style needed to consume toilet paper
at any social function.

Bon Appetit!

No Idea at All....

I have absolutely no idea how that toilet paper ended up in the hallway, torn to bits and wet with slobber. Call my attorney if you have any more questions. ~ Cooper

Why We Run Out of Toilet Paper

But it's so nom - nom - nom nummy!

The Week's Recap

Cooper ran away this past week. Mum was working in the front garden and he took off down the street and made a bee-line for the park. Mum went slightly bananas and jumped into the dog-mobile and started scooting around the neighborhood. A neighbor lady recognized the miscreant (that is what Cooper is) and was holding him when Mum rolled up. Cooper wasn't the least bit sorry and had to be bribed to get in the car.

I phoned the authorities and Cooper is going to SuperMax the minute they have an opening.

Then Cooper stole a roll of toilet paper and took it under the bed and has been munching on it. There is toity paper everywhere! And again, he is not in the least big apologetic for his misbehavior!



Mum got the garden in but it won't last long. We love to graze through the veggies. She uses these lame fences which are worthless. But it seems to make her happy to put the fences up so who are we to argue?



(No that is not a regulation size wheelbarrow. Mum found it at a flea market and thought it was cute. Whatever.)


We suspect having ten tomato plants might be a tad too many, but no one listens to us. Fortunately, we find cherry tomatoes delectable.



This is me checking the yard for intruders.



This is her majesty, Dottie, the Queen of our ranch-style castle.


The weather has been wild this week. Every day it rains, hails, then the clouds clear and it is bright and sunny. Just when you think the weather has passed, it rains again and the wind picks up. It is most disconcerting!

Love, Dozer

On the lighter side - from Cooper

Some pictures simply do not need captions, don't you agree?

Toilet Paper - Another Food Group! - Dozer

Apparently Mom has a low threshold for destroying toilet paper. It isn't as though we don't have a ton of it. While she was in the shower I took a new roll off the shelf and tore into it. Took a nice big chunk right out of the middle of it and then left hundreds of small pieces all over the bathroom. I found the texture most satisfying, Mom found the whole incident alarmingly messy. I managed to put her off from disciplining me by doing some reverse sneezing and going into my soulful stance. There are fourteen rolls left on the shelf and I hear them call my name.

Home Again!

Mum bought this atrocious fence-thing for the car which made Coop and moi sit in the back and gave us no access to the front of the car. This was incredibly rude of Mum and I found it quite depressing. Unfortunately, Coop was not able to stand with me on this one. Just as I was showing him how to give Mummy the stink-eye, he completely lost interest and fell asleep. How worthless is that? It made my job must more difficult but fortunately our cousin, Benny, did his best to make up for the lack of energy on Cooper's part.

Mummy drove most of the way home and we hit a sandstorm in Arizona before we crossed over to California. It has probably made Mum's air filter one gummy mess, but it kept the car going and none of us opened a window or anything silly like that. It made the sky pretty dirty but before we knew it, the storm was gone.

We drove a long, long way and made it all the way to Yreka, California before we stopped for the night. The pass was a mess with snow and ice and Mummy and Uncle Anthony said we needed to sleep and make a start in the morning. The Best Western Hotel only had one room left and we had to all sleep in one bed, two people and three dogs. I slept between Mum and Uncle Anthony, Cooper slept just above me so he could have his head on the pillow and Cousin Benny slept under the covers next to Uncle Anthony. It was a zoo.

It is good to be home but we miss Dad a lot. Mum has been cleaning the kitchen and a lot of the house like a maniac which is troubling. It means a lot of our best toys are going into the dishwasher to be cleaned which means all the good smells go away. To retaliate, Coop and I took two rolls of toilet paper out of the bathroom last night and destroyed them. Unfortunately, Mum has a sinus infection so her reactions wasn't worth the effort. Tomorrow is another day.

Christmas Cards - A Time for Indoor Snow!

So Mum was being so boring tonight sitting at the kitchen table doing the family Christmas cards. I sat under her chair with my head on her foot but didn't get much attention from her. She seemed driven to get them done - she is a terrible procrastinator (not!). I kept telling her we could do it tomorrow or even next week. But she kept saying "shush!" because she was listening to The Golden Compass on her iPod. I hate it when the pawrents multi-task like that!

Eventually Mum realized it was incredibly quiet in the house...in fact, too quiet for that matter. She got up very quietly and looked down the hallway and Cooper had taken a roll of toilet paper out of the bathroom and was destroying it in the hallway. It was great! Just like snow inside the house. Mum started laughing and laughing until she cried! That was all the encouragement I needed and I took off like a rocket and grabbed the roll and brought it into the living room for a fight to the death. It was no contest and I had the toilet roll on the ropes and down for the count in no time.

Cooper meanwhile did some clean-up work in the hallway and then made his way into the living room to find the remnants of what was once the roll of toilet paper. I find once the battle is over I have no further need to the remains. Cooper, on the other hand, enjoys actually eating the enemy and leaving very little trace of the former evil alien once known as "TP". So Coop tossed a bunch of the toilet paper around and then sat and had a short snack of what was left.

The Christmas cards? Oh, Mum never did get those done! Aroooo! BOL!

One dead toilet roll 12-11-2007