Monday, August 9, 2010

We are behind in our blogging but not our rules!

Things Dogs Must Try To Remember....

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.

The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff

I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the coffee table.

I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.

I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.

I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.

I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.

I will not throw up in the car.

I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.

"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.

I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in the backyard after processing.

The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.

I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.

I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.

I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.

When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when it's raining outside.

We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.

I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.

The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.

My head does not belong in the refrigerator.

I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Dad's driver's license and car registration.


Mango said...

Those sure are a lot of rules. I don't know how you will keep track of them all. Maybe you need an "I will" list instead.


P.S. The tugging on the undies whilst dad is occupied in the wet room does bring a rather amusing image to mind.

Sam and Pippen said...

These are things we AREN'T supposed to do? Really? Are you sure? We do 85% of those EVERYDAY! Maybe it should read 'I will'...

Sam and Pippen

Scottie the 'Cutie' said...

Those are rules? Man, you have so many! I think I just broke about half of them yesterday >.<" You guys are so good not to do those, I can't help it!


Bri said...

sammy barks at "on tv" doorbells! and we also have NO doorbell. we are in an apartment that is security locked so we don't even get knocks! how do they know?

Fiona, as typed by Dr. Liz said...

I think I forgot pretty much everything after rule #3. Those are a WHOLE LOT OF RULES!!! You must have amazing mental capacities to remember all of those. (Tug of war with your dad's underwear when he's in the bathroom? Heehee. He should know better than to let you in. I'm just saying...)

Good luck remembering everything!

*kissey face*
-Fiona and Abby the Mutant Puppy

Lois said...

This is absolutely hysterical, best laugh in a long time, I thank you....and certain "rules" helped me explain to my 3 corgi boys why Mummy does not welcome mouth kissies :-)

Shaggy, Scooby and Scout said...

Oh you guys this was SO funny!
Life with dogs is sure different than life with cats!
"The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff! Priceless!!!!

ocmist said...

Mercy loves to climb INTO Papa's underwear when he's on the pot... does that count?

OC: I pooped blood when I was a pup and ate the cat's food. V-E-T said NO MORE Kitty food!

BG: There aren't any more clean rug parts, so we use the beds!

Dott: But that's how you put on the best perfume!

Gimli: If you can't redeposit the processed socks in the back yard, should you use the front yard?

Pippin: Since you are not supposed to eat so many of the self-serve things, they need to feed you more!