Our Life: Dozer and Coop

Enough!

There is no smoking in our house! Who told the squirrels they could smoke in the house?


There is no playing on the bedsteads!



There is no playing on the kitchen counters!



There is no playing in the garage!

Dear Tank, Mango, Howie PeePants, Sweetie, Sugar et al,

Goodness knows I do not want to put a damper on the War on Squirrels but enough is enough!

I do not like coming home and finding dozens of squirrels smoking in the house, playing Hearts and Crazy Eights, while munching on nuts and celery with peanut butter spread. (who pray tell is going to get the peanut butter out of the couch cushions? Hmm? Answer me that!)

You all know that you are not allowed to use matches and yet I find cigars, cigarettes and pipes littering the house. The curtains reek of smoke and there are ashes in all the flower pots. And the wisteria plant doesn't look well at all!

Filling the bathtub full of hot water and using it as a hot tub is not appropriate behavior on anyone's part. Warming towels in the oven is a HUGE NO-NO! Towels are flammable which means you could have burned the house down!

Ordering pizzas, DVD's and rental cars on my credit card is not funny.No one needs to order five copies of Die Hard and Charlotte's Web, we only have three televisions - what were you doing with the other copies? And by the way, those DVD's are now overdue and have charges.

As of this afternoon, all the squirrels have been removed from the house and are now on flights out of the State of Oregon. Fortunately the Department of the Interior has sympathy whereas I find you all have none. Your behavior by inciting this so called "war" is questionable. I am sure PETA would be very interested in this "war" and  how it is being conducted.

Dozer, Dottie and Cooper have been undergoing intensive therapy, the cost of which must be borne by me. The house is a wreck, the toilet has a birdfeeder wedged in it, and there is squirrel hair everywhere. While I am sure you all find this wildly amusing, I do not.

There will be no more squirrel wars in our neighborhood. Dozer herewith resigns as your "Northwest Regional Commander" and everyone's helmets have been locked up.

Don't bother calling, everyone's phone privileges have been revoked and Dozer, Dottie and Cooper are grounded until further notice.

I am sure your parents would be very interested to know what this little game has cost in terms of the condition of our home, let alone having to pay for therapy for three dogs because they now want to have squirrels over for sleepovers.

Hhhrrrmmmph!

Nancy, Dozer, Dottie and Cooper's Mum