Sunday, June 7, 2009

Whack A Squirrel - Regional Commander Reporting

NW Regional Command - Report from Commander Dozer, Esq.

Commandant Tank:
(Click here for the Main Site for Whack-A-Squirrel)

Herewith is the report of the NW Regional Command on the Squirrel Wars. As instructed, I have recruited staff to help with the ongoing battles with the squirrels. Thank you for sending our flak jackets and helmets. They have been of incredible help during the daily skirmishes with the long-tailed rodents of the trees.
Commander Dozer Edwards Staff Sargent Cooper Edwards
In-charge of communications and supplies
Recruit Dottie, who is listening for vibrations through the floor of squirrel activity under the base building. We have intercepted coded messages which lead us to believe that the squirrels are attempting to infiltrate our headquarters and disable our battalion.

The following are images captured on our last reconnaissance raid:
The enemy has newer weapons than we had been led to believe they possessed. We are renting all four Star Wars movies so we can learn how to take on these space cadets and conquer them.

The squirrels continue to use heavy warfare against us. The backyard is beginning to look a lot like the surface of the moon. But we will not fail in our mission.

We have discovered that the squirrels like to smoke after battles. We are leaving cartons of cigarettes around the battlefield in the hopes they will smoke so much they will get lung cancer and keel over. Staff Sargent Cooper states that this takes much longer than we have time for, but we can also locate the squirrels at night when they light up. We plan to have more night battles.
Another shot of the enemy using their bazookas.

Many of the enemy have drinking problems. We are inviting them in for cocktails each evening before our battles to see if we can get them inebriated and then tie them up with shoelaces. To date this tactic has not worked. Staff Sargent Cooper passed out in his dog bed and Recruit Dottie got her head stuck in the Sangria pitcher. I continue to study the enemy's drinking habits.

We continue to need more recruits for the NW Region and gratefully request that any canines available please contact us as soon as possible.

Over and Out,

Regional Commander Dozer Edwards, Esq.


Anonymous said...

Wow - have you been working on this for awhile or did you just throw it together?? Impressive report... It looks like the squirrels in the NW have been able to acquire some pretty sophisticated weaponry to use against us. Mango (in charge of weapon acquisitions) needs to step it up. Thanks for your report dogs!

coopercreek said...

We need you recruits to come over to Mid MO and help us battle the moles that are tearing up our yard.

Martha Basset said...

We are so very impressed! Bailey and me have been at work keeping out all sorts of rodents from the gardent. This looks very professional indeed - we can see we will need to take lessons from you guys.
Just loving the hats!!!
Martha & Bailey xxx

Mango said...

OMG! This is serious. I will try to muster some Mastiff sized support.


P.S. Momma instituted some weird "no computer weekend" thing. She actually shut the darn thing OFF, so I am so far behind.

ClassyChassy said...

You write the greatest stories on these kids! Super!

Totally Timmy said...

Those pics are great..sitting here laughing..Great Job!

ocmist said...

Hey, Dozer, count us in! We got one the other day! Mom has been putting "squirrel ladders" in the horse water barrels for years because we can't afford to waste the water because of drowned squirrels, but one was so afraid of us that he committed suicide by chewing through the squirrel ladder the other day.

Robert had to fish the little floater out and pitch it off the property for the coyotes (Wish he'd given it to us!) Tall barrels with food in the bottom works well as does barrels half full of water without squirrel ladders!!! Works for US!!! The Corgi County Crew

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