How to Eat a Chewie - Lesson 1

Grasp the chewie firmly between your jaws.

Be confident, show the chewie you are in charge.

Determine which side of your mouth is your chewing side.

Move the chewie to that side of your mouth.

Clench down with an assertive snap.

Careful not to chew too deliberately so that the chewie

slips down your food hatch. This can provide an

opportunity for choking and tends to upset the parents.

Chew until the said chewie is completely soft and small in size.

Only swallow when the chewie has been determined to be

of small enough size to be consumed.

There is nothing quite so indelicate as throwing up one's chewie

on the living room rug. Chewies with rug bits are not on the menu.

Check the floor for any extra bits which may have fallen

away during the food exercise. Use your tongue to gather

any stray consumables which may have gone wandering.

Finish by having a water chaser to clean your palate.

Note to new chewier consumers: One chewie per day is appropriate. More than one per day may promote flatulence (gas) and bring tears to your parents' eyes, for all the wrong reason.